Pains of Step-Parenting, Part 2
Quitting and walking away is an inevitable part of life. Sometimes, it is necessary to quit a situation or relationship for our safety or health; but sometimes, quitting can result in missed blessings and the opportunity for God to do the unimaginable.
I recently finished a bible study called 5 Habits of A Woman Who Doesn't Quit by Nikki Koziarz. This blog is evidence alone that I was in serious need of this study. I keep quitting this blog, among other things in my life, for a laundry list of reasons: no time, too tired, unmotivated to write, lack of audience - what's the point?!?, self-doubt, and on and on and on. But, if I have learned anything from Nikki it is that quitting doesn't mean you can't keep trying.
5 Habits of A Woman Who Doesn't Quit helped me see all of the areas in my life in which I tend to give up on and the reasons behind it all. I am working on recognizing when I am quitting and trying to persevere instead. I have learned that perseverance results in blessings. Pushing through the ugliness that life throws at you makes you not only a stronger person but teaches you more about the character of God and allows you to experience Him in a way you haven't before. In a way that you wouldn't if you were to quit.
As some of you know, we are a divorced family with two small children. The past several months Bo and I have had the opportunity to grow in our relationship with the boy's natural mom and step dad - or "bonus" dad as well like to call him. It wasn't always easy to navigate this relationship, and we have wanted to throw-in-the-towel several times, but it has been such a blessing to all of our lives.
It isn't natural to extend love and grace to an ex-wife, ex-husband, new-wife or new-husband. However, it is necessary to maintain a peaceful environment in order to protect children. Also, when I think about God's view on love, I firmly believe He wants us to love one another, despite the unusual circumstances. All throughout the bible, he teaches about loving one another. In Leviticus, He says to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Lev 19:18). God doesn't say love your neighbor...except your ex-husband, or your husband's ex-wife, but your neighbor. Period. And no, this doesn't mean your physical neighbors attached to your house, it means ALL people. God isn't surprised at our unusual circumstances; therefore, even those people where love doesn't come naturally are supposed to be loved.
Having a good relationship with your children's other parents is crucial to the child's well-being. But also, it is crucial to your own. There is a lot of opportunity for growth when you can look past a bad situation and allow it to turn into good.
We have experienced a lot of healing between each other and ourselves by letting go of any resentment, bitterness, and pride. By choosing to be kind and extending grace to each other we have all been able to experience God's love in our lives and have been able to heal from past emotional wounds. Because we choose to love each day, our children have the opportunity to grow up to be healthy and whole individuals and understand and experience love.
This world is consumed with hate and if we aren't careful it will consume us too. We have to continue to choose love and forgiveness, no matter what, in order to create the life our children deserve. The life that we deserve. Bad or wrong past choices and difficult situations shouldn't dictate how you treat others or yourself. And certainly shouldn't dictate how or who you love. We are SO thankful we didn't quit our relationship with the boys' other set of parents!
P.S. It is okay to be atypical in this world. The stranger the better :)
P.S.S. If you haven't read 5 Habits of A Woman Who Doesn't Quit or completed the bible study, GO BUY IT NOW! It is amazing. If you aren't a woman, that is okay, it'll still be good. ;)
I recently finished a bible study called 5 Habits of A Woman Who Doesn't Quit by Nikki Koziarz. This blog is evidence alone that I was in serious need of this study. I keep quitting this blog, among other things in my life, for a laundry list of reasons: no time, too tired, unmotivated to write, lack of audience - what's the point?!?, self-doubt, and on and on and on. But, if I have learned anything from Nikki it is that quitting doesn't mean you can't keep trying.
5 Habits of A Woman Who Doesn't Quit helped me see all of the areas in my life in which I tend to give up on and the reasons behind it all. I am working on recognizing when I am quitting and trying to persevere instead. I have learned that perseverance results in blessings. Pushing through the ugliness that life throws at you makes you not only a stronger person but teaches you more about the character of God and allows you to experience Him in a way you haven't before. In a way that you wouldn't if you were to quit.
As some of you know, we are a divorced family with two small children. The past several months Bo and I have had the opportunity to grow in our relationship with the boy's natural mom and step dad - or "bonus" dad as well like to call him. It wasn't always easy to navigate this relationship, and we have wanted to throw-in-the-towel several times, but it has been such a blessing to all of our lives.
It isn't natural to extend love and grace to an ex-wife, ex-husband, new-wife or new-husband. However, it is necessary to maintain a peaceful environment in order to protect children. Also, when I think about God's view on love, I firmly believe He wants us to love one another, despite the unusual circumstances. All throughout the bible, he teaches about loving one another. In Leviticus, He says to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Lev 19:18). God doesn't say love your neighbor...except your ex-husband, or your husband's ex-wife, but your neighbor. Period. And no, this doesn't mean your physical neighbors attached to your house, it means ALL people. God isn't surprised at our unusual circumstances; therefore, even those people where love doesn't come naturally are supposed to be loved.
Having a good relationship with your children's other parents is crucial to the child's well-being. But also, it is crucial to your own. There is a lot of opportunity for growth when you can look past a bad situation and allow it to turn into good.
We have experienced a lot of healing between each other and ourselves by letting go of any resentment, bitterness, and pride. By choosing to be kind and extending grace to each other we have all been able to experience God's love in our lives and have been able to heal from past emotional wounds. Because we choose to love each day, our children have the opportunity to grow up to be healthy and whole individuals and understand and experience love.
This world is consumed with hate and if we aren't careful it will consume us too. We have to continue to choose love and forgiveness, no matter what, in order to create the life our children deserve. The life that we deserve. Bad or wrong past choices and difficult situations shouldn't dictate how you treat others or yourself. And certainly shouldn't dictate how or who you love. We are SO thankful we didn't quit our relationship with the boys' other set of parents!
P.S. It is okay to be atypical in this world. The stranger the better :)
P.S.S. If you haven't read 5 Habits of A Woman Who Doesn't Quit or completed the bible study, GO BUY IT NOW! It is amazing. If you aren't a woman, that is okay, it'll still be good. ;)
So glad things are going so well for all of you,sounds like you are all doing well..love conquers all!
ReplyDeleteThanks not sure who made this comment but thank you :)
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