The pains of step-parenting, part 1
I have always been apprehensive of birthing my own children (although it is lessening over the last few months). When I met Bo I was thrilled to find out he had two young sons. “Step-parenting would be a breeze”, I thought. After all, I was raised by a step-parent so how hard could it be? Oh how I was ever so wrong!
No one tells you how much more difficult new relationships will be when step children are involved. I cannot begin to describe the vast range of emotions I have felt over the last year and a half since I became a step parent. Children force you to look in the mirror, painfully seeing all of your flaws and imperfections; step children, can even make it debilitating. Fear has trickled into every crevice of my body, places I never knew existed. Fear is a huge part of step parenting: fear of rejection, fear of being resentful of them, fear of not connecting, fear of not loving them enough, fear of not being enough, fear of loving my own (future) biological children more or differently and so much more.
I have wanted to give up several times and find an “easier” life. However, albeit a seemingly impossible mountain to climb, step-parenting has been one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Being a step-parent has challenged me personally to face insecurities that I never knew I had. Facing these fears has forced me to heal from past wounds, helped me forgive and more importantly, it has taught me how to truly love another person.
We all come from imperfect pasts with imperfect parents and carry old wounds. It is normal to have related fears, however, we can't live in fear of our past or that we will make those same mistakes. Every day is a day to change and better yourself. A day to love more. A day to start over. I am challenged to persevere and let this situation, albeit impossible at times, be a blessing to me and my life. I could easily run but I wouldn't have the chance to change. I wouldn't have the chance to evolve. I wouldn't have a chance to truly love.
Each day, there are 1,300 new step families forming; so, I know there are some of you who are in my shoes. I encourage you to seek support, talk about how being a step-parent feels, look into the mirror and search yourself and lastly, realize that your little ones are also having a hard time so don’t take it personally. Enjoy the little details in life!
No one tells you how much more difficult new relationships will be when step children are involved. I cannot begin to describe the vast range of emotions I have felt over the last year and a half since I became a step parent. Children force you to look in the mirror, painfully seeing all of your flaws and imperfections; step children, can even make it debilitating. Fear has trickled into every crevice of my body, places I never knew existed. Fear is a huge part of step parenting: fear of rejection, fear of being resentful of them, fear of not connecting, fear of not loving them enough, fear of not being enough, fear of loving my own (future) biological children more or differently and so much more.
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| Ezra, Daddy, Noah and "Momma Ashley" |
I have wanted to give up several times and find an “easier” life. However, albeit a seemingly impossible mountain to climb, step-parenting has been one of the best decisions I have made in my life. Being a step-parent has challenged me personally to face insecurities that I never knew I had. Facing these fears has forced me to heal from past wounds, helped me forgive and more importantly, it has taught me how to truly love another person.
We all come from imperfect pasts with imperfect parents and carry old wounds. It is normal to have related fears, however, we can't live in fear of our past or that we will make those same mistakes. Every day is a day to change and better yourself. A day to love more. A day to start over. I am challenged to persevere and let this situation, albeit impossible at times, be a blessing to me and my life. I could easily run but I wouldn't have the chance to change. I wouldn't have the chance to evolve. I wouldn't have a chance to truly love.
Each day, there are 1,300 new step families forming; so, I know there are some of you who are in my shoes. I encourage you to seek support, talk about how being a step-parent feels, look into the mirror and search yourself and lastly, realize that your little ones are also having a hard time so don’t take it personally. Enjoy the little details in life!
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