No Day But Today
Music has always been healing for me.
It allows me to feel every ounce of emotion, expressing them in a healthy way. Something about the instrumentals and the lyrics that I connect with on a deeply emotional level that can allow me to escape for hours.
Lyrics that seem to be pulling at my heart tonight are from the amazing Broadway show RENT, No Day But Today.
The last 5 months I have been on this "journey" to heal. To get my life together. To find myself. To find happiness. To be whole.
I have grown so much: I have developed a sense of self esteem and self worth that I never had before, I have discovered things about myself that I was ignorant to before, I have healed from some past emotional wounds and I have gained a sense of self, a voice of my own. Holistically, I am much healthier.
A new romance has even developed in my life. I couldn't ask for a more amazing man. Every quality I have ever wanted in a man, he possesses. Every feeling I always imagined I would feel, I feel. He makes me want to be a better person. In my eyes, he is perfect. I am shocked to admit that maybe...just maybe....fairy tale love stories aren't full of s@#t!
Yet despite all this, I still don't feel "happy", at least not a lot of the time. I still tend to be reclusive. I still struggle daily with eating and body image. I still get depressed. I still have overwhelming anxiety. I still feel a bit lost in this life.
I've been struggling with my next step in life: What am I suppose to do? What do I want to do? Do I go back to Nursing? Do I move? Etc.
The above lyrics really have me asking what I am doing with my life and whether I am making the most of it. I have realized that I am so unfamiliar with knowing what it is that I truly want or what is good for me because I have been so accustomed to asking myself what everyone else thinks or wants first.
A friend once told me that if you aren't doing what you are passionate about, what makes you get up every morning full of excitement, if you haven't found that one thing that drives you then you aren't living. You will never be happy if you aren't pursing your dreams. Especially someone as sensitive to the world as me.
If I'm not doing what I love, what I am passionate about, what I am meant to do, how else am I suppose to be happy? To feel like I am making a difference in this world? To have a reason to wake up with a purpose?
Eating Disorders are developed and used to fill voids in ones life. To help cope. To manage emotions, insecurities and negativity. I have always needed my eating disorder in some capacity. I realize now that, of course I would need it if I'm just going through motions and doing what I think I should do instead of want I want or am meant to do.
Filling my life with things that fill these voids will reduce the need for me to turn to my eating disorder. Pursuing adventures, passions of mine, relationships, etc in life will provide the satisfaction I am searching for so that I won't need an outlet to my life..
I may fail. I may fall on my face a 100 times. I may even disappoint others (God forbid). But at least I will be true to who I am. At least I will be pursing my dreams. At least I will be living for myself.
"Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams." - Emerson
It allows me to feel every ounce of emotion, expressing them in a healthy way. Something about the instrumentals and the lyrics that I connect with on a deeply emotional level that can allow me to escape for hours.
Lyrics that seem to be pulling at my heart tonight are from the amazing Broadway show RENT, No Day But Today.
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today
This song is about living in the moment, and not taking for granted today, which is a struggle of mine.
The last 5 months I have been on this "journey" to heal. To get my life together. To find myself. To find happiness. To be whole.
I have grown so much: I have developed a sense of self esteem and self worth that I never had before, I have discovered things about myself that I was ignorant to before, I have healed from some past emotional wounds and I have gained a sense of self, a voice of my own. Holistically, I am much healthier.
A new romance has even developed in my life. I couldn't ask for a more amazing man. Every quality I have ever wanted in a man, he possesses. Every feeling I always imagined I would feel, I feel. He makes me want to be a better person. In my eyes, he is perfect. I am shocked to admit that maybe...just maybe....fairy tale love stories aren't full of s@#t!
Yet despite all this, I still don't feel "happy", at least not a lot of the time. I still tend to be reclusive. I still struggle daily with eating and body image. I still get depressed. I still have overwhelming anxiety. I still feel a bit lost in this life.
I've been struggling with my next step in life: What am I suppose to do? What do I want to do? Do I go back to Nursing? Do I move? Etc.
The above lyrics really have me asking what I am doing with my life and whether I am making the most of it. I have realized that I am so unfamiliar with knowing what it is that I truly want or what is good for me because I have been so accustomed to asking myself what everyone else thinks or wants first.
A friend once told me that if you aren't doing what you are passionate about, what makes you get up every morning full of excitement, if you haven't found that one thing that drives you then you aren't living. You will never be happy if you aren't pursing your dreams. Especially someone as sensitive to the world as me.
If I'm not doing what I love, what I am passionate about, what I am meant to do, how else am I suppose to be happy? To feel like I am making a difference in this world? To have a reason to wake up with a purpose?
Eating Disorders are developed and used to fill voids in ones life. To help cope. To manage emotions, insecurities and negativity. I have always needed my eating disorder in some capacity. I realize now that, of course I would need it if I'm just going through motions and doing what I think I should do instead of want I want or am meant to do.
Filling my life with things that fill these voids will reduce the need for me to turn to my eating disorder. Pursuing adventures, passions of mine, relationships, etc in life will provide the satisfaction I am searching for so that I won't need an outlet to my life..
I may fail. I may fall on my face a 100 times. I may even disappoint others (God forbid). But at least I will be true to who I am. At least I will be pursing my dreams. At least I will be living for myself.
"Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams." - Emerson
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